If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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