True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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