he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
