It's like God shit irony all over that family
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had me at cake vodka
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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