Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
