I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
