Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
