Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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