i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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