I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
