My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
