I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
