I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize