he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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