I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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