I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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