so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
