South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
