oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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