Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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