True but thats because hes a fetus.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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