So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
