we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
