dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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