Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
