i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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