your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
