yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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