I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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