he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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