I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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