you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
