No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
