He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
