broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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