i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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