What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
