so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
