The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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