i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
