More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
