Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
