I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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