The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
