apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize