The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
