Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
