I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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