We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
this just has baby written all over it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
