forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize