Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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