I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
