im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize