I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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