Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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