You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
