your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize