i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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