Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
