so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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