I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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