Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
