you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i think my cat just said my name.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
